huomenta vaan. hmm what will i write. head is empty.
öäää... or. in my mind is school things + work things. boring things. hihi..
anyway things are going forward very well. i seem to have future :)
in february i will send petition to school. if they accept me (in summer i will get know), then in september 6th will start. i got email (answers to all my questions), so all is clear now :)
school will last about 2 years, depending on what i can from before. they will give personal schedules + plans depending on skills. teens ofcourse must study full 3 y, because they dont have experience from before.
and i must during end of the january, or at the latest beginning of february find new internship place. but ofcourse so soon as possible. newspaper company dont seem to reply to my email, so i will in near days go face 2 face to ask there. i have 2 different newspaper company in mind. i will first ask the bigger one.
internship will last to june 2017, then im done. and will have summer vacation and then if im lucky, school starts at autumn. as i have googled, school will be something 40% presence studying, and 60% remote studying. sounds good. and there will be internship too due this 60% i think.
again here is nothing work to do. after lunch we go get ledlights. i will not drive because no glasses. not found. planing to buy new ones now. need just organize moneys for them first..
they will cost around 300e.
benefit office will give 100e for them, and the rest i will need to pay my self.
if im allowed to use my savings (which the benefit office gave last month), then i use of them.. but if i must pay them back, then gg, will be hard work to save moneys for glasses. hih. huu... how i write so opently now. maybe atarax effecting. because yesterday i was not at work, because didnt get sleep at all in that night, so today night i took atarax to be sure i will get sleep. atarax is medicine for itching which i use very rarely in very emergency situation, but i noticed it work as sleep medicine too :) i dont take it often, maybe 1-2 times per month if very needed. because i dont much like medicines + their side effects.
+ the atarax makes huge eye bags :-/ and other side effections during the day. short time head aches etc mystical pains. and moods. aa, and atarax is used also for anxiety. works in many ways. but for me its written only for eczema. hmm i need to remember go to apotecary today or tomorrow. ventoline is ending, only 8 doses left. and in flixotide 24 doses left.
flixotide needs to take 2x per day. ventoline only in acutt.
i have time booking for neurosonic stool 14:00. need to leave this workplace earlier then. maybe 13:30 or something. so i have time to walk to there. cant use bike now when is cold weathers. today -13. tomorrow will be double more. if count the wind on it. wind x 2 + current celcius. if is wind 3ms, then its 3x2 = 6 celcius. and tomorrow promised -21c (and 3ms wind), so 27c will be something. if i now calculate right :D head little zombied because of atarax. help help.
our canteen is under renovation, so we drink our coffees in random places. i drink here at pc just. hahah.. others went to sit in some conference room, but its small room, and there is very sharp light, like in hostpital, so i feel too shy to go there. too much ppl in a small room. like herring in a jar :D i cant.. so i come here in pc room just to eat my breakfast. pfff..
why must be so shyyy. hard this life. sure i can sit there, but cant eat. because if someone watch me eating, i will eat wrong + nervous :D and choke in the food :D sure with known ppl im more relax but if 10000% half-unknown. then gg. if 1000% unknown, then im relax + dont care. but if know them even 5%, then nervous. but if know them 50%, then its ok. im weird :) claaap clap clap clap. also it depends on humans, what kind they are. if somehow proud ppl, then im nervous, if relax seeming ppl, then good.
in my horoscope analyze (6 june), is also written about it that i have low self-esteem + im shy. mräyhhh... only in internet im brave + open and act like typical gemini. but in real i act more like introvert scorpio. mystical + shy + observing. stalking others silently. and analyzing. only ppl whom i trust + know , then i become my gemini self and joke etc. but still im never superficial like gemini basically is, because my asc scorpio filter my emotions out in deepier + carefullier way. or somehow. difficult explain.
ascendant is the mask we show to out world. and sun sign is the our inside. also ascendant is like filter. we filter our sun sign trought the ascendant filter to others. so ppl in first meeting can first think our signs due our ascendants. i have manytimes mistakely tought that ok that guy is aries. or.. lion. but then later i got known it was actually his ascendant. for teens its easier to guess their real zodiac sign, because ascendant is not effecting 100% yet at teens. ascendant takes full control after 20+ age. but for some ppl can take earlier. i think my ascendant took control over me in teen age already. i was already then closed + shy to outworld, and others easily bullied me because of that. because i was afraid to defend my self, especially when was in foreign country and cant language full, then its hard to defend when others insult.
why my hand shake -.- im not hungry even. maybe nervous or smth.
its always right hand that shake more, when shake. left hand almost not at all.
some times im not sure which hand control me, because i can do things with both hands. can write with left + right (but right sure easier), and for example i tie twines with left hand, + other accurate things too i do with left hand better than right. but hammer and other heavier action things i do with right hand. in right hand is more power, but left hand is more accurate in somethings. hmm.. some man said, the controlling hand is that hand which you will defend your self with, if someone throw a rock on you. or hit you. i have tried to think this which hand i would use to defend my self with, but im yet not sure :D sometimes i think right hand, but sometimes left hand. but my palm lines changes in right palm only. so it must be right hand then. :) my mother is the same, she also can use both hands.
also other weird thing. i shoot the icehockey puck from left. many ppl wonder this, if im right handed, why i shoot from left?.. idk. but ball i kick with right foot.
and in toilet i use left hand. hahah..
i didnt need to bring my couch seats to cleaner's. the washing liquid i found for 15 e from pet shop, worked well. i used the whole bottle in my couch. no more pee smell. hurraa.. and tipsu stopped to scrape the couch. she scraped it so long as there was even 1% smell of her pee. cats have so sensitive sense of smell. need just be 1 small atom particle of smell, and she will smell it. she will then think that the place is her toilet. if smell even 0000000.1%.
and luckily her heat periods are over. she has stayed calm over 1 month now. yeee.. dont need to go to vet. i save a lot of money.. and now when will need money in other important things, so its good. ppl who go in real work and earn real salary, and if they blame how they dont have money, i will shoot them. they should try to live my life situation with internship benefit money, and see how i dont have money. every coin i have to calculate very accurated. cant buy clothes, nothing. if can sometime buy 1 tee shirt, its happiness + luxus for me. again i need new jeans.. now i can use 2 different jeans only. old ones are totally broken. heh.. when/if i go to school, then i will become more poorer. maybe need start to make ads money again. but problem is, that they will calculate the extra incomings and then minus of current support money. sure can earn in secret to other acc. but its cheating.
i should stop smoking + other enterntaiments, then would have money to clothes :D but i cant stop. addicted twat as i am. but cant be too perfect either. some addictions must have in the life :)
muu... but hei, i dont smoke thaaat muuuch.. my tubacco bag lasts about 4 days. 30g bag.
other ppls smoke 20 cig in a day. thats something.. and 1 normal cig in my rolling fags are 2.
hmm what food there is at diner today. sec. eh.. they have not updated their website since christmas. mräyh.. well wel, need just go to look what there is then. if fish food, then need to eat here. some poor sandwich just. and then die in hunger in end of the workday. or, so called work day. anyway, i have food at home. made yesterday. just need to warm and eat.
some pasta + mincedmeat in tomatosauce. njams. my favourite food when i want quickly something just. minced meat is cow-pork. alwayssss... i never buy anything other. or. in norway i bought only pork mincedmeat. because then in that times there was not other choices. but little before i moved to finland, there started to come cow-pork remix in 1 market. but that market closed their doors later :( rip.
i hate it when some grocerys changes and closes and etc. why things cant be the same.
ok i always blame when things change. no matter if good or bad. but then later when i get used to it, then i start to like it and dont want to go back to the old. but sure there is some things which i miss the old version of. well, all ppl does. only ppl who love modern and future, they maybe enjoy in the same second when something changes.
i blamed how ios 10 is shitt. but now i like it :D hehe.. for example before needed to slide screen to get in home. but now need just to click 2 times the home button, dont need to touch screen. i like it better, dont need to make screen dirty then. im very critical for my phone screen, cleaning it everyday -.-. mikrobe phobia maybe. ops its 11. lunch--->
edit: diner is closed to 8.1. we get lunch from other place..
and we got the led lights now. i will go pack them because nothing else to do--->
