im still half asleeep. if this is right word even. and i even forgot my biscyles lock code for some seconds, when i arrived work and needed to lock it :D needed to think little.
(its a code lock without key). and im very hungryyy.. yesterday ate too little. 3 bread piece to breakfast, then in afternoon 1 babyfood glassbottle :D because i had rush to go somewhere with mother, so was no time to cook. then in car i ate the babyfood (some pasta-meatsauce). then later in evening we ate pizza. and i came very late home. drank much coffee by my uncle so i didnt get sleep enough early, maybe 00:30 got sleep. then in morning night i woke up of some awkward dream, and had to go for nervous smoke. then went like 30 mins or some before got again sleep. and 6:45 needed to stand up. help help. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. idk even what i write. nothing sense in this text maybe cuz so sleepy.
hmm.. i need tomorrow go to some spare part shop, to order brake pads to bro's car. and bearing need too. brother dont know when he will come to finland + to kajaani generally, so i need to fix his car now :D but np, i can as salary drive with it as want after it :))
idk if i can drive anymore, too long time ago i drove last time. always first driving after many months pause is like, you hold the steering wheel very tight with hands :D because tensed. and nervous look everywhere that any grandmother dont jump under car behind corner and blalbla. then when come home, is super tired and half dead :D but second driving is already relax. and in kajaani is much trafic, so here need to be careful.
now came black moment in head. dont know what to write. i had something in mind when i opened this blog, but forgot it immidiately. when tired, memory is weak. i need more coffee.. soon coffee break, after 6 mins.
clock is 08:54. ok "time is". but i write english how i wish. not my problem if nobody understand. haaa-haa...
after 1-2 week i must be without smoke 2 days. idk how can i make it :S. sure i will buy plasters. but i know i will feel in lungs something empty, if dont get poisons there :D
i should prepare for it, smoke less, so then is not too hard shock when suddenly from 10+ smoke to zero.
yep yep as i predicted about eczema, its going to legs now :D. first backneck + front neck in bloods, + face horrible + red, then eczema left downwards to arms :D and now its little bit getting off from hands, and now legs are in bad condition. good now is not hot weathers anymore, but cold and autumn weathers, so dont need to walk with visible legs :D
everyday been 14c average warm. i miss the hot weathers. was nice to sit on balcony and sunbathe and eat cold honeymelon and read something or just surf with phone. kraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... summeeeer come baack. now need close balcony door and put woolsocks -.- and drink hot tea.
ops coffeebreak now. i continue this text later if something come in mind. ok hei. 08:59 now.
09:21 now is coffee drunk drank and sandwich eaten. after 8 mins i go to some meeting.
yesterday i bought new not used backpack from internet from some woman. she took just 10e of it + post delivery 7,20e. but i paid 20e because im fair. my current backpack is totally broken :D i have put in it 3 safety pin now, to keep it somehow in condition :D.
9:24. ok i go now already, so dont need to sycle so fast and then loose breath + start sweat. better go early so can sycle relaxed. jåå hei.
13:13. cool. in our workplace smoking place trashcan is a wasp hive :D. everyone are scared to go too close to smoking "cottage", so we all just stand like 1-3 meter away :D
hmhm.. tomorrow i go to a "group therapy for social tensior people" meeting :D
because i have been visiting a psychologist and told about my social tension/anxiety problems + self-esteem problems, so they requested that i go to a group thing where others too have same tensions. idk if its anyhow helping me, because my tension are little bit other kind, more related to my age people and younger people, and there in the group they are 30-50 old ppl. im not afraid of them. pff.. but i go for fun because curious.
i want some help to rise my self-esteem and that i dont shame myself or feel anxiety with certain type of ppl. but i dont want any medicines, im seeking some more natural help.
tjoooh...
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