sun moved in gemini now

my work ended 17th dec. öö. may.  what i write lol. ok i woke 1 hour ago. still not got coffee. but coffee is cooking now. last night was very psychotic sleeping. when i went to sleep at 1 am, and i didnt get sleep because negative toughs came in mind. then i nervous smoked 1-2 times. then still didnt calm down. then i took 1 valeriana (homeopathic) pill, and tried again to sleep. then i falled to somekind of half sleep, and i saw very ugly hallucination or illusion or what ever, when i layed eyes closed. some ugly and big bee near my face on the wall or cover. im not sure. but i saw it soo clearly. then i in panic moved up to sitting position in bed and started to search for it :D but then i realized it was just illusion or something :D:D but i was very nervous after it xD i left out to smoke again to calm down. then i took 1 sandwich because i tough maybe im hungry or smth. then i ate and continued sleep. then all good.

i have before too seen this kind of insect illusions when falling asleep. 1 other time i saw big spider near me (i dont know if in wall or cover) but near somewhere. and then also i standed up in panic from bed and looked for it :D so disgusting...

idk what make this. maybe because i first had negative thinkings and somekind of anxiety because of the toughs, then valeriana somehow launched and gave this bugs :D

or then it is because my sleep regime is going wrong. im too late awake this days. and wake up at 9-12 :D yesterday i woke after 12 o.O

aha coffee ready. sec

finland is in semifinal now in ice hockey. today 16:10 start semifinal games. there is usa vs canada, and finland vs russia. usa-canada game is later in evening, at 8 pm.
this finland vs russia game is dangerous because russia is in his homebase. games are played in russia. finland have played best sofar. 0 loss. canada was also unbeaten, until finland beated them few days ago :D today will see if finland still continue to be unbeaten in this world championship.. if not. then my game watchings are over for this may 2016.
in sunday is final game. i will not watch it if finland is not there. sweden falled already out in quarterfinal. poor them.. finland + sweden both wished that we meet in final, as manytimes we have met :D we are for ever enemies in ice hockey :D

what ever happen, i hope russia dont win gold. they in last years played much dirty games and cheated. and judges did nothing. annoying.

my work may continue in 1-2 weeks. depending on how fast they do decision in one office.
i got the report of my 6 months working yesterday from post. they wrote how i worked and how i was. much positive was, for example i was assistant director in led light packing :D, while i in same time was working in IT sector :D they made me assistant director in january because i was best in it and knew everything about, inventarions and all. and i drove the led lights to the factory and so on. and when there came new workers, i taught them. xD
even im just practice worker, still i got credit jobs :D feels nice.

i dont still know what direction i will go in this life. study or work or studywork?
we still figuring it out with some psychology. but we have got many ideas now. now need only choose the best ones. then try every of them. 10 years i have been so stuck with this career things. most problem was infected eczema, it stopped the motivation to seek work/go study. if is ugly skin everywhere and everyplace hurt. and energy is in zero. and self-esteem in zero. how can even think about career things then. now skin is in somehow control. and self-esteem rised much. i feel ready now for career plans. or feel ready for some normal work. just need to find what that will be. i have too many interests to all directions. difficult choose then.

sun moved in gemini yesterday. good bye slow times.. taurus sun is always little bit slow period. things go slowly forward. now things will go faster. and more versatile. because gemini is versatile and quick. like a quicksilver. jump to all directions stressfull and chaotic :D 

also mercury stopped now.  and will turn its direction 22 may, tomorrow. so can feel strange now in this days. when it start to go forward from tomorrow, it will start slowly, so no good to make important plans yet. better wait 1-2 weeks till mercury is on its good speed going forward. mars still backwarding, to 30.6. life energy is weak so long. for men this effect more visible. 

feels so nice to have vacation . kriaaak.. can sleep and do as like. and no alarm clocks commanding. only 1 hairy animal with 4 legs can sometimes command at 6 am. but i dont care, but switch my side in bed and continue zzzzzzz :D

yesterday we was on the picnic. took pizza from kajaani abc., and i took coffees from my home in termos. then sat in vimpelinlampi and watched sunset. we sat near green where the sheep's use to be every summer. they was not there yet. maybe because grass was not enough growen. they bring them there when grass enough high. if they eat newborn grass too fast, grass will not grow anymore.. maybe. tipsu was with us too. but she only freezed there and sat in 1 position for 2 hours. boring cat. but ye now was not so warm. just 13c.

we forgot to feed mörri yesterday :-/  now i need alone today go feed him by bisyckle. because mother dont have time to drive me today. saturdays she is usually busy.

i hope will not be raining then. either i go at 3pm, or after 6pm. because ice hockey start 4 pm and last to 6.30 pm or some. what food will i make today  *-)  i have some old food in fridge. but that meat somehow tasted old :S even i cooked it in day when meat was expiring. in expiring day meat should yet be fine. but idk, i have too critical taste seem so.
éverything must be 1000% fresh. foods fly maybe to trash then just. they are in a pan in fridge. sad to throw so much food away but what can. better throw than throw up xD
about meat and milkproductions im very critical, that they must be very fresh or i dont eat at all. only milk i can use after "best before" day, cuz can easily smell and look if its fine. when put in coffee, easily see if its allright. normally milk last max 1 week after best before day. if keep it in good cold position in fridge. and i never leave milk bottle on the table for long time. when i take it from fridge. i immidiately put it on the object, then hurry put back. then i know milk wont get bad too fast. some humans can leave milk bottle on table for 2 hours. then they cry why their milk gets so fast bad. hah.. i dont leave even cheese to table long time. all milk things i put fast back always. only butt i dont, because need to let it melt sometimes..
creamery butter is otherwise too hard to use.

sec need take flixotide. need take it every morning and evening for ever. its preventing the asthma infections of coming. in norway i didnt take it at all. no wondering why then needed call ambulance. but then some swedish doctor there explained to me how important it is to take. he showed some animated photos of lungs and wires how they work and how they goes in mess if dont get that medicine. only 1 big mistake he did. he wrote to me baby dosage :D 100mikrog :D and i didnt ofcourse know this. when when i moved back to fniland. i wondered why i again got lungsinfection. and again needed to hostpital. then there they wondered why my flixotide is so weak dosage. and i was like o.O idk.. maybe the swedish doctor wrote it :D and then they hurry changed it to normal 250mikrog ration :D
in norway flixotide is by name flutide. idk why it must be different name. i manytimes there in apotecary said accidently flixotide. they didnt understand what i mean :D::D

now i have not anymore got lungs infection directly just like that, but now it have came trought flu. when come flu, then mikrobes goes down to lungs. its little difficult to stop.
every year 1-2 times this happen. thats why im always very afraid of flu, cuz i know lungs will soon infect 90% surely too. spring is always worst time. because then is more dust. street dust and then pollen dust. its for every allergic + asthmatic human worst months. hostpitals full of patients then. in norway i maybe would avoid this. there is cleaner air + nature in this case. but nah i dont go more back there. there i will be lonesome just. and poor. norwegians somehow too proud and they are accurate of their own region and privacy. somehow not easy to be friends with them. only 1 friend i have there who is relax and i somehow match good with. but nobody else seem so. everyone too reserved there.
but ok im reserved person too.. so what i am to blame :D if is introvert person, then opponent must be extrovert. if 2 introverts, what will be.. both just silent and shy. phahahahha.. ok idk what i want to tell by this. i dont mean norwegians are like that. 
and finnish ppl are also silent and reserved. only when they open bottle cap., then they become talkactive. maybe swedish ppl are more normal in this, they are balanced and social. and they are theirself. they dont act anything. sweden is between finland + norway. are  somehow the extremity in everythings. then sweden in between is little of each things. like balance. they are nothing too much or nothing too less. but perfectly balanced.
but still norway + finland make much jokes of sweden :D

but im still bitter to sweden cuz they have born goldspoon in mouth. they never was in a war for example. they always got everything easy. they are like.. the Gladstone Gander from donald duck. lucky in everythings :D and wise. they have created much nice things to world.

time is 11:16 hmmh what to do now.. energy is very low. maybe i only continue sit on pc. maybe play some games.